This is a true story

I get a bit windy underwater, but it has not yet affected my buoyancy causing me to add weights to my belt or anything, but I need to know whether it is normal to poep when your body gets pressurized or am I just a freak

On this nice day drifting over a shallow reef and feeling pressure building again, I dived down and 'exhaled' from behind when I spotted a baardman in a shallow cave on my way down. It saw me and slipped back into the cave. Over the next 10 mins I continued with my own 'musical composition' while laying on the rock surface 5m from the cave entrance. I kid you not, the baardman started drumming to my anal tunes and came out of its cave for a looksie. He must have thought it was mating season because he looked friendly to see me and gave me a nice broadside shot and I nailed him behind the gills.

I have read about spearos making drumming sounds to call in fish, but I must be the first guy to call in fish with my poephol. Depending on my future success with this unique technique, I am willing to help out newbies to develop that special edge when diving

Don't know how serious you are dude, but I nearly snorted coffee all over my keyboard

You deserve some karma for that

I'm glad you liked it

Thank you for a good laugh. This has happened to me as well – the poep, not the fish. I will certainly keep this in mind next time I feel the pressure.